| And with a heavy sigh... |
[Nov. 2nd, 2007|09:25 am] |
How do we overcome nihilism? How do we push past the apathy of our western malaise? With the shift from feudal society into the industrial world of modernity, western society has become bloated with bureaucracy, arrogance and the epidemic of afluenza. While every person searches for their piece of the pie we have ceased to become living individuals. Instead we spend our time working, scheming, hoping that we will find happiness in slavery. While Marxian doctrines foretold the eventual fall of capitalism we find we are still willing participants in the exploitation of the working class, instead of revolution, we fell for the dangling carrot. We spend so much time trying to find a comfortable balance within the system we no longer feel the need to question it.
For all its extreme left wing overtones, Marxism perfectly highlights the plight of the developing world. While others starve, working for meagre wages in some far away land, we sit comfortably as capitalist slaves, wilfully ignorant. The free market is not a question of fairness; it is merely perpetuating the myth that money will buy us happiness, safety and comfort. We know it is untrue and yet we find many reasons to defend it. The fall of soviet style communism solidified the perils of socialism for many westerners. Capitalist doctrine at its core is not necessarily evil, in fact with legitimate checks and balances, capitalist states can prosper. Without these checks and balances however we find we will do almost anything in the name of the almighty dollar, destroy forests, pollute waters, withhold medicine from the sick and dying so we can negotiate a "better financial deal", treat other humans as a means to an end. Somewhere along the way we seem to have forgotten what is really important in our own lives and chosen to instead suckle at the teet of our corporate masters.
We no longer choose to question the status quo. We have forgotten how, many of us place our headphones on when we walk the streets, refusing to interact with our fellow man, every personal interaction during our days is through the exchange of money. We don't talk anymore, because really, what is there to talk about? After all were just so busy these days, there is little time for critical reflection or examination of our lives. We just have to "get on with it". This race, this amazing, sublime evolutionary creation that is humanity has pissed its potential away with greed and arrogance because no one wants to face the honest truth. We are destroying our world so that some fucking asshole in a suit can make his shareholders happy. Every one of us is part of the problem, we can't keep consuming at this rate, it is totally unsustainable.
The general attitude is, "I can't do anything" and you know what... your right. We need some kind of world wide ecological disaster, something that kills millions of us before anyone will attempt to make changes. Even then, I am not optimistic. We have come so far, I don't know if we can ever go back.
Were doomed. The race I once adored for its capabilities and potential is merely a collection of self interested, cold blooded reptiles. I once was blind, but now I see. All I can do is sit back, and watch the dissolution of mankind unfold, right before my very eyes.
Goodbye humanity, and in the earths case, good riddens. |
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| A bit of everything |
[Aug. 28th, 2007|11:51 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Beyond The Sea - Bioshock | ] |
Well, having shaved off all my facial hair I can honestly say that I wish I hadn't. I have a real case of the baby face blues. It's amazing how quickly one adjusts to having a luscious face full of man hair. Now I look like I am 10 years old, it's a weird feeling.
Now lately there has been a bit of a switch over to facebook for many people, the blogging facility of this website however is awful/non existent. I don't want to have to install 5000 add-ons just to get it to work, so for now I am staying with my LJ.
Onto grander things, Bioshock, I received my collectors edition the other day and I literally spent 10 hours without moving from my chair to play all the way through it. Game of the year? No, game of the last five years. Beautiful, beautiful visuals, amazing sense of scale and place and great gameplay to boot. I can't sing enough praises for this game. Art Deco mixed with underwater utopia makes for a great setting, the philosophical undertones of Randyian concepts was also much appreciated. The music and sound was beyond fantastic and I just wish it would have lasted forever. I am going to play through it again this time but without rushing through, it is the kind of game that must be soaked up.
As far as the last movie is concerned, we are getting there slowly. Special FX take time people! |
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| Downer... |
[Aug. 8th, 2007|09:05 am] |
Well the new imacs are out. I really want one ;(
Very slick new design as well. ilife 08 has also been released and it looks fantastic. I'll have to grab a copy soon. |
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| An emo thought... |
[Aug. 5th, 2007|07:20 pm] |
I was pottering around at work today a little anxious about the future and then I realised that one day I was going to die, it was a comforting thought that stayed with me throughout the day. Its a relief to know it really doesn't matter what I do because I am inevitably going to cark it at some stage... hope it isn't to painful.... or to soon.
For some reason it has put me in a really good mood. |
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| Extinction - The Last Days Of Man |
[Jul. 27th, 2007|05:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
A quick test shot to show you all a glimpse of the next film.
Earth is a wasteland, a runaway greenhouse effects has taken hold and nothing can stop it. The oceans are receding, the trees are dying, only one is left to grieve. Shot in a documentary style this short film offers a small glimpse at life in the late 23rd century.
 |
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| An untitled post. |
[Jul. 17th, 2007|01:04 am] |
I never really post quotes from other people, somehow this one seems to resonate with me at a time when I can't find any reason in anything. I read this, and I am assured, contented that even in futility there is beauty. While days of fruitless endeavor carry on endlessly I can still savour those few scarce moments where life is worth living, if only for an instant.
"You've just told me some high spots in your memories. Want to hear mine? They're all connected with the sea........ I became drunk with the beauty and singing rhythm of it, and for a moment I lost myself---actually lost my life. I was set free! I dissolved in the sea, became white sails and flying spray, became beauty and rhythm, became moonlight and the ship and the high dim-starred sky! I belonged, without past or future, within peace and unity and wild joy, within something greater than my own life, and the life of Man, to Life itself! To God, if you want to put it that way....Dreaming, not keeping lookout, feeling alone, and above, and apart, watching the dawn creep like a painted dream over the sky and sea which slept together. Then the moment of ecstatic freedom came. The peace, the end of the quest, the last harbor, the joy of belonging to a fulfillment beyond men's lousy, pitiful, greedy fears and hopes and dreams! And several other times of my life, when I was swimming far out, or lying alone on a beach, I have had the same experience. I became the sun, the hot sand, green seaweed anchored to a rock, swaying in the tide. Like a saint's vision of beatitude. Like the veil of things as they seem drawn back by an unseen hand. For a second you see--and seeing the secret, are the secret. For a second time there is meaning! Then the hand lets the veil fall and you are alone, lost in the fog again, and you stumble on toward nowhere, for no good reason. It was a great mistake, my being born a man. I would have been much more successful as a sea gull or a fish. As it is, I will always be a stranger who never feels at home, who does not really want and is not really wanted, who can never belong, who must always be a little in love with death............ "
-Eugene O'Neill, Long Day's Journey Into Night |
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| Random update |
[Jul. 14th, 2007|01:21 am] |
Uni breaks are long, very long. I haven't had a break like this in... seven years... jesus. This is only a mid semester break and its about a month long. Crazy.
Shooting for my latest film has been pushed back a week due to illness on my part. I got some kind of bronchial flu. I haven't been this sick in a very long time.
All in all doing well. |
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| It's over! |
[Jun. 21st, 2007|02:28 pm] |
I attended my politics exam this morning, in two hours I had to write a total of four essays. No easy task. Rather than bore you with the details I can honestly say I struggled. The time constraints were the real problem. While I got a lot of information down for three of the questions my last essay was a total mess. I HATE having to write things quickly, it makes my mind race and my hand cramp up. Did I pass? Well I do not know... most likely, but no distinction for this exam I dare say.
So now I have a full month off before resuming my university studies. I've been working at my old job over the last two weeks and I must admit that I slipped right back into it, just like I had never left. I miss working full time, I miss the routine and the ability to work effectively without having to think at all. Most of all I miss the money, sweet, comforting money.
I am hoping to film a documentary during my break, it's going to require a lot of time to get it right but I think we are on to something very special. Aaron is doing all of the effects and I must admit they look spectacular. The script is almost done so after some basic storyboards we will be filming.
Overall it's been a pretty shaky start to the year. I guess things are finally picking up though and I know what I need to do to ensure I do better next semester. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 14th, 2007|01:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  relieved | ] |
Hooray, I got a distinction for my politics essay. |
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| Daylight |
[Jun. 12th, 2007|02:25 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Jupiter's Lament - The Smashing Pumpkins | ] |
The light flickers through the broken patches in my dark curtains, scattering vibrant light into my dank abode.
As my eyes slowly open to another day I grimace heavily and let out an audible sigh. My newly grown facial hair sticking to the pillow. It's 2:30 in the afternoon. Welcome to my new life. As I step out towards the bathroom I catch a quick glimpse of myself in the mirror. Days without a haircut, sixty four... Where once I would feebly attempt to tame my wild hair, I have long since given up. I'm getting an education, I don't need to fucking impress you.
Where once words flowed through me, now I am an empty vacuum, nothing substantive is written down, just meagre morsels of trivia listed off in bullet-points to satiate an academics criteria. Exhaustion has set in. What does globalisation mean? Is it the sense of alienation from ones own culture, the loss of national identity? Open markets? The erosion of space and time? It is many things, and yet nothing, a swathe of intellectual rhetoric designed to dazzle and intimidate. Tired, so very tired...
While I take comfort in the knowledge no subject has been failed and that I have done well, I admit that my first impressions of the university lifestyle are less than stellar. Years of a full time structured working environment has left me estranged in a brave new world of education.
Now the harder choices begins, what degree do I want? How do I proceed. To much choice, so little time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 7th, 2007|12:34 am] |
A documentary by David W R Rule |
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| Short Update |
[May. 30th, 2007|02:07 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Nightmare Records - Snowman | ] |
While university life is starting to become easier it's no secret that the work is quite difficult. Sure, I could slop anything together and get a pass but that is not really how I want to go through university. I promised myself I would not do the bare minimum as I have done throughout my entire life. I have however come to realise that the expectations I place on myself are quite high. It has been somewhat difficult determining how to best utilise my skill set in such a foreign environment.
I am a creative person, I always have been. Creativity however is not really relevant in a system where precision and factual investigation is paramount. No longer can a series of verbose tirades get me through on written assignments. I have to actually research before placing fingers to keys, this has always been my problem. I like to jump in and start typing. Assignments however require careful examination of facts and a shit load of reading and a careful summation of the question being asked. I like to work fast, I can no longer do this.
I have tried to align myself with individuals who are at university to learn and not fuck around and do nothing. I have a problem however because I am in fact a person who likes to fuck around and do nothing... I always have been. So inevitably I have fallen in with the crowd that smokes, drinks and swears like sailors, my kind of people.
So I decided today that I would take the day off to start on some assignments that I need to get done as their due in the next two weeks. So what am I doing typing the livejournal entry? Well what I always do when I have to read excessive amounts of literature. I am fucking around.
I swear to god I never used to be like this, I guess it's that instead of choosing something to read for myself I am being forced to read things that don't particularly interest me. Philosophy while an invigorating process can be extremely dull to read. So after careful deliberation I have decided that politics is my new flavour of the month and am heading in that direction with regard to subject choices. I like politics. I find the material easily digestible and relevant. So for now it's what I will be focusing on at uni.
In reference to other things happening in my life I am currently trying to get two short films off the ground and hope to film at least one of them during the semester break.
Take care all. |
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| Year Zero |
[Apr. 5th, 2007|07:38 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Zero Sum - NIne Inch Nails | ] |
I have a full copy of the new NiN album.
It's awesome. |
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| If Enclave = x then let y = x-sleep |
[Mar. 13th, 2007|12:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Education brings with it its own burdens. Self awareness gives us not only a chance to rationalise and comprehend the world around us but the opportunity to glimpse the world through different eyes.
Politics, philosophy and the art of critical thinking have all transformed from abstraction to reality. The concepts raised by these subjects are no longer just simple ideas but complex and intricate issues. Information overload has begun to set in.
Perhaps it isn't even university itself, maybe it is merely that without the constraints of working nine hours a day that I can see clearly again, view things at a deeper level. Everything has come into sharp focus. I am no longer bound by the endless distraction that is full time employment. My life is my own again, for better or for worse.
I cannot however just tune out when I come home anymore, university life is ever present, it doesn't stop when you open the lock on your front door. Its in the bathroom, in the yard. It vies for every moment of your attention. Life it would seem has become an endless form of argumentative analysis. One with no conclusion
The subject load I have chosen in my first semester is quite heavy and the sheer volume of work is at times a lot to cope with. I come home, study for five hours then sleep. Repeat for five days and you can of course imagine the shape I am in physically and emotionally. I haven't had a decent night sleep in three weeks.
I still hear the distant call of full time work beckon me to return. I have to admit that poverty, while humbling is extremely incompatible with my love for video games and electronic gadgets. I hope I can adjust. I know the metaphorical tears I cry now are just my answered prayers.
I can recall a period of my life when I knew exactly what was going to happen in my future, every sad and unsatisfying detail. Now I have absolutely no idea what is ahead of me, and I like it. |
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| Uni - Week 2 |
[Mar. 6th, 2007|10:23 am] |
I am quite amazed at the campus at Macquarie University. Not only is the place huge but there is an amazing plethora of technological marvels at my disposal. I am currently sitting under a tree, a cool breeze blowing as I surf the internet. I have not felt a sense of contentment like this in years.
The actual facilities and processes in place here are really convenient, Every department has a website, I can download all the slides, lectures and course notes I need for each class and I have a full itinerary of the semester, no surprises for Enclave.
The courses I am currently doing are, Australian Politics, Philosophy of critical thinking, Philosophy of morality and finally my most loathed subject, statistics. I am having a great time, very challenging and I have never read so much so quickly in my entire life.
Is it better than work?... Hell yes. Is it fun to be poor? Well I'll get back to you on that. |
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| Another LEAK! |
[Feb. 26th, 2007|08:34 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | In This Twilight - Nine Inch Nails | ] |
Trent's done it once again!
In This Twilight is amazing. Go to www.theninhotline.net to source a download.
I say this every time but this album is going to kick all sorts of ass. |
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| It's, over... |
[Feb. 23rd, 2007|03:57 pm] |
It's my last day at work today. I'm a little emotional, I've grown up here, become an adult. Loved, lost, laughed, cried. Throughout the last six tumultuous years this place has been the only thing that has remained the same. I am going to miss my boss, my co-workers, but most of all I am going to miss a sense of safety, of the familiar.
Everyone here has bought me a nice card with goodbye wishes and an unexpected gift, a large 500 gigabyte backup drive for uni and video editing. I've only ever seen people get flowers. I realised today how well I am known here and how good I have had it all this time. As much as I want to stay it would be a betrayal to these people when my heart lies elsewhere. I'll never forget the lessons I have learned here. Today marks the first time in my life when I have taken a stand and as afraid as I am, I begin my journey. A new man, a new way.
Goodbye. |
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| Hmmf.. |
[Feb. 21st, 2007|10:49 am] |
I am currently at work, my replacement sits at my old desk setting up his new pc. I am alone here, in the storeroom. So this is how it all ends. Six years of my life enslaved to the corporate machine only to have my final days sitting idly in the back room, looking for things to do. Will I last four years at University? Will I miss this place? The answers I do not have. All I know is that I am feeling quite morose, like a chapter in my life is ending.
No one believes I will last the distance at Uni, hell even I don't. I guess we shall see. |
|
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| Nine Inch Nails - Year Zero |
[Feb. 20th, 2007|04:37 pm] |
Trent left another thumb drive in the toilets at his slatest show, once again it contains another song from the new album, "Me, I'm Not". At this rate he will have leaked the entire album before it's released. He stated before that he believes the music industry is greedy and bloated. I guess this is his way of saying FUCK YOU to the RIAA.
Nice work. |
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theenclave's journal